Charlez Blog

This is for all the guys who pick up random girls on the streets without knowing anything about them. Here’s how to know if you are sharing your bed with a mammy water:

1. You don’t know her surname. She told you her name is “ Just Julie”
2. She agreed to sleep with you on the very first day, in fact she moved into your house, no questions asked.
3. She never gets tired. She can pound yam, fry garri, grind pepper with a stone and still have s*x with you when she finishes.
4. She always looks perfect, even first thing in the morning. No pimples, her make-up looks permanent and everything is always in the right place.
5. Her Brazilian hair looks natural. It really looks like her hair but maybe salons have found a way to remove natural hair and put it back later.
6. She never talks about her family and she doesn’t have any friends. You only hear her saying “My sea sisters” sometimes at night but you’re not bothered because girls call themselves all sorts of things.
7. Ever since you started sleeping with her, your life has turned upside down but of course your stepmother in the village is to blame.
8. She has stopped you from eating fish. Ever since she came into your life, it’s only chicken or meat, nothing that comes from the sea.
9. She doesn’t ask you for anything. In fact, she’s every Nigerian boyfriend’s dream. You don’t pay for human hair or BIS and she doesn’t even want Blackberry Z10. She doesn’t care about Valentine’s Day and you don’t even know her birthday sef. She never gets jealous or goes through your phone and she couldn’t care less about your Facebook password. In fact she’s the best!