12 Mistakes Married Women And Men Make
Getting married is simple. It’s a no brainer. People do it
all the time. But to stay in marriage? That’s where the real work
starts.
Everyday, people get married, take spectacular and glossy pictures at
beautiful weddings with incredible cakes only to announce a divorce
later.
In the United States alone, about 50% of marriages end up hitting the
rocks and as you are reading this, some are already throwing their
wedding rings into the River Nile. Why? What are the marriage mistakes
you should not make? How can you make sure your marriage does not only
work, stay intact but also gives you the joy and happiness you’d
imagined before saying ‘I do’? i have brought you this special
marriage-themed piece. How about calling your better half and reading it
together? Ready? Let’s roll!
1. DO NOT ASSUME
Okay, this is one thing both parties are guilty of. Many assume too
much! He assume she knows. She assumes too. And that’s where the trouble
starts. Fine, you’ve dated for a while and it seems like you’ve known
yourselves for all of eternity. But wake up, you don’t! You are still
discovering and rediscovering many things. Communicate with your
partner. Let him know you are not enjoying the s*x. Let her know you are
not too comfortable with her shabbiness and gossip. But if you are
getting married to Linda Ikeji, you need to love the gossip part. I do!
Communicate. Talk. Discuss. Gist. Carefully and reasonably. Especially
when it comes to money, s*x, retirement and your religious beliefs (and
maybe inlaws). Never assume. It can be dangerous. If you will be having a
mood swing, talk.
2. TALK USING THE RIGHT VOICE TONE -OR KEEP QUIET
Remember the last time your dad scowled at you for sneaking to a high
school party? The tone of his angry words, right? Very unpleasant. Human
vocalization is a very tremendous aspect of communication but many
couples seem to forget this and shout, hurl insults, abuses and
criticisms at their partners. You see their eyes as red as the embers of
Hell. Remember that it is not always what you say that matters but HOW
you say it. When angry and you know the next words will not be nice,
keep quiet. Always taste your words before you spit them out. Let your
Lover see a smiling face when she thinks of you and not a frowning face
with the voice of an armed robber. Okay, that makes 2.
3. NEGLECTING s*x
I cannot emphasize how dangerous this can be. One of the luxuries of
marriage is having unfettered enjoyment and cruise on the intimate
highway. (Coughs) Neglecting s*x does not necessarily mean you are
declining his offers. It can also mean you are not taking good care of
yourself anymore. Now you look dirty, unwashed and smelling your armpit
is suicide. How can there be any pre-intimacy like that? Take time to
look good. Groom yourself biko. Especially if you are lady (I’m not
saying guys should now start looking like bricklayers or mechanics,
shoye (you understand)?). The body and looks you had at 21 will not be
the same at 35 if you decide to look like a housegirl rather than a Mrs.
Tidy yourself up. As they say in Nigeria, it is all about packaging.
4. FORGETTING TO CHERISH EACH OTHER
In this fast-paced world of jobs and stress, it’s quite easy to start
losing that special touch you once had during the olomoge (when you were
much younger) days. Particularly when the kids have come and you are
now battling with the responsibilities of a parent. She now has stretch
marks, jowls of fat, varicose veins and he is already greying with a
potbelly. You both look pitiful. That is when you need to start working
on it again. A good marriage does not sustain itself. It needs WORK
-from both parties. Cherish yourselves, go out for dinners, tour the
park, flirt, tease, laugh, play games, watch movies, serve food in bed,
hold hands, listen to your partner, watch old pictures and spend the
entire day together. Bring back the charm. Age is but a number.
5. NOT GETTING PREPARED FOR CHALLENGES
Marriage is not going to be all sweet. That is why it is not called the
honeymoon. But it is not an eclipse either. A stage will come when you
will just feel overwhelmed, disenchanted, caged or even frustrated with
either your partner or the new experience. Did you know that even after
years of marriage, Barack and Michelle Obama actually once considered
divorce? Michelle was prepared to sign the divorce papers. Her mind was
made up. She was tired. He was also disenchanted. But they managed to
rekindle the love again and you and I know better now. What I’m saying
is this: marriage is not always a bed of roses (even roses have thorns,
shey?), be tough and ready your mind for all kinds of obstacles. But
just know one thing: you will conquer. Just like millions across the
globe.
6. NAG. NAG. AND WHAT? NAG.
Oh! He has left his smelly socks on the bed again and has refused to
flush the toilet. She has not stopped accusing you of being too close to
your secretary. We all nag. But if you want your marriage to last
longer than the fireworks you used during the wedding night, minimize
nagging. It is killing. Try your best to pass your complains in a very
civilized and understandable way. If he or she fails to get it, register
your displeasure while not losing your cool. Do not make him feel like
he has committed more evil than Adolf Hitler and Abacha combined simply
because he has dumped his dirty clothes in one corner of the bedroom
-again.
7. TAKING YOUR PARTNER FOR GRANTED
Well, you are now married, right? She can’t leave you again and he is
now your man forever, abi? You are wrong. She can leave you in the blink
of an eye and he can marry someone else faster than you can ping or
spell your name. It is very easy for couples to become relaxed (only if
people can put just half of the efforts they put into their classy
weddings into their marriages) and start taking one another for granted.
Appreciate the little things. A marriage is a garden. If watered and
tendered regularly, you enjoy the view and you will see the flowers
bloom. Neglect it and pests and weeds take over. Say thank you even if
what she bought for you was a toothbrush. Say thank you and mean it.
Tell her she’s beautiful. Adjust her dress (or bra straps, comot there!)
for her (forget the fact you’ve been married for 20 years) and tell him
he looks good (even though he can look like a plumber atimes…lol!).
Never take your partner for granted. Leave Twitter and chat with him.
Forget Facebook for now and do not take anything else above your
partner. Not even your friends. Or kids.
8. CRITICIZE AND COMPARE.
Good. He doesn’t make enough money. He doesn’t have a good job. There
are better men (stop thinking of Paddy Adenuga, will you!) out there who
are more ‘manly’ and ‘care’ for their families. Nice, She’s a lousy
wife. Spoilt brat. Bad mother. Worst cook in the Universe. Romantically
dead. She has poisoned the soup with too much iru (locust beans)and salt
again. Ha! Whew! If you want to see your marriage die before your very
eyes, just keep doing this everyday: criticizing and comparing. Tell him
you made the worst mistake of your life marrying the bald-headed,
good-for-nothing, penniless wrench. Tell her that you didn’t know what
you were thinking when you walked her down the altar (or is aisle?). You
are only digging the grave of your matrimonial home. Desist from bitter
criticisms and never compare your spouse with anyone (not even
________fill in the gap yourself!). Correct with love. With affection.
With smiles. No one is perfect -and that includes you and your spouse.
Do not listen to reply instantly, listen to understand. Then give kind
and reassuring replies.
9. KEEPING MALICE AND BRINGING UP DEAD ISSUES.
Allllllllright. She told you of her dirty past on the campus and how she
was coaxed into having an abortion with her former lover, right? You
don’t have to tongue lash her every now and then about that. The past is
gone, let it remain there. That your lover told you something dark and
shameful about his or her past reflects the amount of trust, respect,
love and confidence reposed in you, do not betray it. And is it not
senseless to you to keep malice with your wife for days? Spit it out,
carefully. Let her know she hurt you and not kill her with your stoic
silence, ignoring her well-cooked meals (who do you think you are
punishing turning down that spicy nkwobi soup? Shior!) -and those wicked
moustache-flavoured looks of yours behind the newspaper. It is painful.
And yeah, the kids don’t like it too either.
10. PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF MADNESS (PDM)
Cruising to the market, you saw your husband, with a pretty damsel in
his car. Next thing, you park on the wrong side of the road, did not
even switch off the engine, left the keys dangling, re-tie your wrapper,
remove the tapanpa (special colorful headgear used by Nigerian women)
you took three hours to make and off flew your shoes! The next sound was
the stinging slap you landed on her face (thank your stars if she’s not
a female soldier with the Nigerian Army). You just concluded she’s been
sleeping with your Prince Charming. Calm down Madam. Such acts will
only make you lose value before the very person you are fighting for.
Passersby will be thinking ‘abi were ni woman yii ni (has this woman
gone crazy)? ‘If there is anything you find suspicious, discuss with
him, he is your husband and you are his wife. Wife. Not mistress (be his
mistress on the bed sha). You too, never insult her in public (or
private) or do disgraceful things in the full glare of everyone (falling
into gutters after getting stone drunk). Respect yourself and your
marriage always (do not be the busybody of the adugbo (neighborhood)).
The marital union is sacred. Do not stifle your matrimony to death with
incurable insecurity and peppery jealousy.
11. WITHOLDING s*x OR MAKING A MESS OF IT
For what? Before you do that, just remember that it is now cheaper than
pure water. You don’t have to punish yourselves over your imperfections.
You can still have the intercourse and still frown your face abi….lmao!
Do not use s*x as a weapon of terror, tyranny and dictatorship in a
marriage (you be Mobutu ni?), you will only end up burning yourself.
Spoil yourselves with s*x and if there is anything you will be very
generous with, let it be those acrobatic displays in the middle of the
night. Shhhhh! We are talking of married couples. Have a fantastic s*x
life, be adventurous. Read books, see your doctor, learn, use all tips
and techniques to ensure you really reach heaven right here on earth.
Make it real fun -and not on the bed ALL the time. And do not be
selfish, you know what I mean. If you don’t, go and get married jooor.
12. ALWAYS RIGHT, EXTREMELY STUBBORN AND NEVER SAYS SORRY
If you have any or all of these satanic traits, your marriage stands a
high risk of falling apart unless you are married to Mahatma Gandhi. Ok,
or Nelson Mandela. You are not always right, accept your mistakes when
you are wrong and agree for the sake of peace. Afterall, no one pays you
for arguments. You only end up losing your voice and writing your name
in his bad books. There is one thing my Partner and I practice: we never
look at who is wrong but WHAT is wrong. You can also try that out
instead of accusing each other and trading blames as if you are on the
floor of the Nigerian Stock Exchange. Always respect individual opinions
on various subjects instead of telling her to shut the hell up. I need
to shut up now. Like she’s coming…
It's an remarkable article designed for all the web visitors; they will get benefit from it I am sure.
Review my web-site wiki.galaxylegend.ru